T.90

Today is the 90th day since the transplant. T.100 is suddenly just around the corner; any week now the ciclosporin dose will start to be reduced and then we will begin to get the first hints of whether Graft vs Host Disease (GvHD) is going to be a problem. Every individual is different and no one is prepared to place bets on the outcome. Christine spoke to a woman at yesterday’s Glasgow clinic who was four years post transplant and who was being treated for GvHD but she was very positive about the whole process. I need reminding that my Leukaemia was dominating life to a greater and greater extent; I will never get back to my former self. What lies ahead is a life slightly compromised but at least it’s life. It is up to me to get the best quality out of what it throws at me. The medical staff keep emphasising that the normal transplant process takes a year. It’s difficult to focus on that distance, all I can see is the next hurdle. I am impatient but the process cannot be rushed.


I get a little out of breath climbing a hill because the haemoglobin levels are low. There are mutterings of another blood transfusion to boost it but they are reluctant to complicate things further. The donors blood group is A+, while my own is B+; there is a battle going on inside me for dominance causing the lower haemoglobin count. A blood transfusion would require blood from group O; hence the further complication which they are trying to avoid. The trick is to ignore the listlessness it brings about and just keep up a little bit of exercise for the sake of the muscles without overdoing it. I have to rest each afternoon; at the moment sleeping for a couple of hours between 2 - 5 pm. It cuts into the day and makes it difficult to maintain any kind of momentum.

And all the time, hanging over me, is the knowledge that I have no resistance to infection. Every day I swallow pills : antibiotic, anti-fungial, anti-viral. Every day I have to take my temperature knowing that any rise above normal that lasts more than an hour means instant admission back to hospital. My heart sinks at the very thought of it. I have to keep reminding my self: this isn’t for ever, it’s just another hurdle on the long road. Meanwhile my brain goes round and round in endless tracks.....